“If You’re In A Good Sexual Relationship, You’re Not Going To Be A Terrorist”
Revelations from a spunky young Noonan at the height of the AIDS crisis in NYC, combating systemic racism in our health system, his contributions in The Encyclopedia of Sex, and challenging notions of modern monogamy.
“Advancing in any position is largely a lot of luck - being at the right place at the right time,” says Raymond J. Noonan, Ph.D. The professor humbly attributes much of his success throughout his extensive career of over 50 years in sexual education, to the uncertain fortune of chance. But probe a little deeper and his real story emerges: that of a radical-thinking young man in the early 1970’s who would not shy away from discussing sex in an overwhelmingly traditional society, and as a man involving himself in predominantly female fields of work, concerning studies of birth control and abortion.
Noonan, 69, is currently an assistant professor in the health and physical education division of the Film, Media, and Performing Arts Department at the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT). He has been teaching at FIT since 1995, was elected chair of the Health and Physical Education program in 2001, and currently teaches multiple courses at the institute including Human Sexuality, Stress Management, and Health Education. Noonan was also involved in the editing of The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality (published 2015), as well as the writing and editing of Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? (published 1990). Throughout his career, Noonan additionally worked in counseling for birth control, pre and post-abortion, as well as a public speaker for sexual and public health.
“Failure doesn’t have to stop you,” Noonan encourages as he leans over the table in the front of his classroom. The posters on the walls behind him promote sexual health in a rainbow of colors, complementing the vibrant purple hair highlights that frame his smiling face. The pop of purple contrasts against the plaid of his shirt and industrial look of the khaki cargos he paired along with his signature lavender fanny pack. A keen sense of color coordination as reflected by his fashion students, all of which accentuates the quirky, friendly persona of the institute’s beloved sex-ed professor. His thumbs circle thoughtfully in his hands as he reflects on the saga of what he had not then known was the start of his life-long career.
Before he had found his place in sexual education, Noonan was a disgruntled freshman at Temple University in Philadelphia, jumping from one major to the next. He flunked out of the college twice, starting as a chemistry major, then philosophy, then psychology. He was lastly majoring in journalism when he decided to write an article on abortion, he went to a Planned Parenthood location nearby to gain further insight for his piece, and ended up leaving the clinic as the organization’s newest volunteer.
Noonan worked as a media specialist and librarian for the location, later becoming a volunteer representative speaker at a local jail where he would work with male inmates who were about to be released, educating them on methods and the importance of birth control. It was about 1969, he was only 18, and held no college degree.
When the Planned Parenthood location closed, Noonan was searching for work in the local newspaper and found a posting for an abortion counselor at a Philadelphia clinic. He called the clinic and found it understandable when the voice on the other end kindly explained to him that it was a woman’s job and he couldn’t do it because he was a man. Noonan laughs to himself as he explains further, noting that it was gender discrimination and he had phoned the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission of Philadelphia to file a complaint. The complaint led to a hearing which resulted in his employment as the first male abortion counselor in the state - “if not the country - and definitely the first abortion counselor without a medical degree,” Noonan says with a chuckle.
Meanwhile, he had already been an active member and co-organizer of a number of groups concerning sex issues, ranging from a support group for men who had a loved one that had been raped, to an alternative marriage counsel for revolutionary thinkers like himself. Through his network, Noonan was put in contact with the head of the sexuality program at New York University (NYU), who encouraged him to apply through the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) for admittance into the program. He passed with flying colors, even without a bachelor’s degree.
By then it was 1980, and Noonan was granted admittance into the highly accredited graduate program at NYU as a special, non-matriculated student. He studied abroad with the program, traveling from country to country in Europe. Upon his return, he was told he finally had to get his bachelor’s degree. With the sum of the mismatched credits he received in his many majors at Temple, he quickly obtained a degree at Thomas A. Edison College in New Jersey and went on to achieve his master’s and doctorate at NYU.
While completing his doctorate in the mid 80’s, Noonan worked for the New York City Health Department in the AIDS division, as a public health educator on HIV. He thinks back to the time of heightened fear surrounding the subject of sex as the public learned about the ‘impending, unavoidable threat’ of AIDS - a connotation due in part to the aggressive administration of the topic instituted by the United States government.
“There is systemic racism in our health system,” Noonan warns as he reflects on a study that landed on his desk while working for the city. The case was trying to prove that black female prostitutes in NYC were increasing the public’s risk to contract the fatal virus, but Noonan’s prior knowledge deemed that the claim could not be possible, as HIV cannot be spread vaginally. “They were trying to demonize prostitution and blame them for the spread of AIDS,” he explains, the only way HIV could be spread was by semen or anally.
He recollects the 80’s and 90’s trend of “don’t have sex before marriage because you’re gonna die of an STD,” and how negatively the subject of intercourse was considered at the height of the AIDS crisis. He thinks back to a conversation he had with his peers at NYU, who were concerned about the newfound dangers of sex, but Noonan was looking at it differently. “Don’t any of you remember when sex was fun?” he posed to them - a quote that went on to take the title of the book he co-wrote and edited, published in 1990. He discusses various conflicts with individuals in the sexual education profession who thought promoting abstinence was the only way. In contrast, his take was that they had to stop trying to scare kids to not have sex. “What we have to do is take it seriously and say ‘look we have this HIV here, it’s a serious thing,” he explained, “We need to focus on getting people to use condoms because if we got everyone to use condoms, we would eliminate the threat.’ But we never did that, we were promoting all this bullshit that was like you were having sex with everybody the other person has ever had sex with” Noonan explains.
He expresses that the conservative way in which the US government and people of authority deal with subjects like sex is a dynamic embedded in the very foundation and infrastructure of our society. “Most of our American life for the past 50 years has been Republican ideas, even with Democratic presidents and government leaders in office...the fundamental sense of power in the country is associated with conservative ideas.”
At this point it is clear that Noonan’s success can barely be credited to luck; rather it was his sense of initiative to pose questions and spearhead concepts that challenge the traditional standards of society. These radical notions that others, even the most professional in the industry, were afraid to question at the time.
“Are humans naturally monogamous? What would you say? I say no.” he says, as he adjusts the glasses on his nose thoughtfully, going on to explain that it’s natural for a person to have or want multiple partners. The key, he concludes, is to put a moral framework in perspective, steering away from deception and being honest with oneself as well as those they associate themselves with. In the case of polyamory (the practice of engaging in more than one intimate relationship, with the consent of all parties), society tends to criticize by the implication that it is immoral, but still accepts that this form of relationship is not unnatural. “Why don’t we allow polyamory as a choice… as a moral choice for some people?” Noonan offers, arguing on behalf of the innate preference, “Some people just like variety, some people just like meeting new people.”
The course of Noonan’s career has proven to him the unprecedented importance of relationships, sexual and nonsexual, and furthermore, the capacity of human touch. In his classes, students are exposed to studies that substantiate the need for physical touch in relationships; going back to even the earliest stages of child development, the essential need for touch is evident in the most primary of relationships: that of a child and their mother. Noonan describes that a good relationship with one’s maternal figure lays a fundamentally positive physical and ‘biopsychosocial’ wellbeing in children that can be maintained into adolescence and ultimately into adulthood. The absence of a positive physical relationship? Studies show that especially in young children, the absence of touch can lead to serious social disability and unwavering feelings of insecurity throughout their life.
Noonan thinks back to experiences in his career where the aptitude of touch revealed itself. He describes a few instances during his time as an abortion counselor, as he assisted women in the surgical room, holding their hands, and telling them what to expect. He describes that when they would endure cramps during the procedure, he would offer to put his hand on their stomach, and the touch would immediately provide relief. “It was like I took the cramps away, just from the touch, touching them made them feel better” he says, still in awe of the power of physical contact. He points out that studies have further proven the aptitude of touch, from the health benefits of having sex to practicing masturbation for relief of menstrual cramps. He recites his infamous saying, (well known by FIT students that have taken his classes): “If you’re in a good sexual relationship, you’re not going to be a terrorist.”
Noonan considers the influence of society and culture, noting that Europeans are more receptive to touch or having a “smaller personal space requirement” compared to that of Americans, who tend to have a ‘don’t get too close’ mentality. “In late adolescence, usually, we substitute sex as our touch outlet, because by the time we become adults, especially now, there’s a lot of prohibition about touching other people... And sex is the only way that adults tend to touch in our culture” he explains, a statement undeniably telling of the dynamic of modern American society.
“My general philosophy is that overall people are fundamentally good,” Noonan concludes, “We can be better psychologically if we can hold positive relationships, sex being at times a big part of that.” A humble individual of extraordinary intellect, Dr. Raymond J. Noonan speaks volumes on the aptitude of human touch - what a positive relation and physical interaction can do.
